Satire: Parliament Speech - Slapping to increase performance

(again, this is just satire)

Yang Dipertua,

It has come to my attention that slapping is now being a culture among Malaysians, particularly amongst teachers and students for their late attendance to classes. As such I wish to propose measures to ensure equality amongst Malaysians, as per the 1 Malaysian motto’s wish to increase performance.

Firstly, since students arriving 10 minutes late to classes will be slapped, teachers who arrives late of the same duration, or leaves classes early of the same duration, will be receiving a slap from every member of the class.

This also applies to students and lecturers in our higher learning centres.

Similarly, this culture must also be implemented in the workplace to encourage performance of employees as well as employers.

The slapping of employees arriving 10 minutes late to work will be encouraged, as will the slapping of managers by all his subordinates for arriving late of the same duration.

This culture will also be implemented into contractors who are late in their construction projects. For every 10 minute delay, the government, or owner of the project, and the financiers, are allowed to slap the contractor and members of the crew.

Similarly, to encourage the culture within the government, all government projects that are delayed will be punished with a slap for every 10 minute delay for the minister whose signature approved said project. The rakyat will also be allowed to take part in this culture. If the rakyat were to meet an MP that has yet to keep an electoral promise within his area, he is encouraged to slap the fellow MP for each 10 minute delay he has made for implementing his promises.

Yang Dipertua,

If somehow slapping a student for being 10 minutes late will encourage him to come in early and be on time, then I suggest, with our culture being one that wishes to put ‘performance now’, then we as the government should be the first to experience and put this into practice.

*slaps Anwar for failing his government takeover last September 16*